Righteous Kill

I am not a “big screen” fan nowadays because of the cost. Period. The times called for it but once in a while, a movie is a great way to stop my blues and lessen the stress. Sunday being me and my sister’s work–free day we get to bond and catch up on our chikkatime. It’s our stress “out” day. Working can sometimes take so much of our time we no longer find time for ourselves. Last Sunday, we went to see a movie. I would have love watching KC Concepcion in her first movie but I am not sure I am all for the “kilig” factor. It is a light movie and could make me relax but I also need something different. And Al Pacino and Robert de Niro are two great actors you just cannot ignore. I saw some of their movies before, including of course Godfather. My sister shared the same liking for the actors. I would say I rubbed it on her. She agreed to watch Righteous Kill. I have not heard of the movie being promoted but the names of the actors lends credence to the film and so we watched. She even paid for the tickets! The film is about two cops who are investigating a series of vigilante crimes committed by a killer who leaves behind poems. Try it again, a serial killer who loves poetry. Nice try. My sister loves the movie. She loves the twist. But I am not very satisfied. I do expect more. I do not know what it is but there is definitely something missing. Not the actor’s of course. They delivered their lines excellente! It is the plot and the expected twist (on my part). Maybe I have seen so much of the same twist. One character being the obvious suspect (this is basically stereotyping) only to end up with the least expected character being the scum. I feel “bitin” with the movie. It is still a good movie I would say. Except the movie’s storyline is so ordinary and not Pacinoesque or De Niroesque. I have utmost respect to both actors and I maybe expecting a lot more. Or maybe they need this movie to relax, too.

Smart Bro

I no longer remember how many times I have dialed 672–7277 and have spoken with SmartBRO customer service agents, getting the same robotic reply ( I’ve memorized their spiel) regarding my connection problems (Bakit ko naman sila tatawagan kung maayos serbisyo nila!). I am not very techie but I am also not stupid. Only weeks after my broadband (October 2007) was installed, my connection already showed signs of slowing, parang dial–up. Okay lang sana kung hindi nila tinawag na broadband yun, di ba? At least, wala akong expectation. Imagine, not even the most common websites like Yahoo, Friendster, Youtube, hindi mo ma–access? I applied for the service basically just to regularly check my e–mail but woe of woes, attachment pa lang ng word document (think about a simple resume), pwede ka ng matulog muna sa soooooooooobrang bagal.  Siyempre, nung una, nabobola pa nila ako. Step 1: Tatanungin ka nila sa IP address mo or yung physical address ng computer mo. Syempre, very willing ka naman sumagot. Tapos, they will instruct you to open your command prompt, ask you to ping 10.0.0 x x, and wait for results…Well, of course, I will get the usual Request Timed Out. Marami yan. Meaning…in layman’s terms, mabagal ang connection ko. Whatever term they use to make it sound better, I am still getting bad connection. I would say I am lucky kapag 25% loss lang yung result ng pinging, usually, 75% loss, worst obviously is 100% loss. They will even ask you to do speed test (last time I called, sa pldtplay.com ako nag–“bandwitch” test. Naturalmiente, the result will be the obvious. Speed test, huh? Lastly, you will be given a 24–hour prescription time. After 24 hours, wala naman talaga akong nakikitang improvement sa connection speed. Smart BRO’s advertised speed is 384 kbps, pero the numbers I got were way beyond that e.g. 69.10 kbps, 78.60 kbps, 161.00 kbps (using 2wire). I have the screenshots with me. But nonetheless, these numbers could speak for themselves. Once, I felt better kasi pinalitan nila yung antennae ko. Sabi ko, siguro this time, mas okay na connection ko. Importante lang naman, I can access the net, check my email, watch videos, etc. Ang nakakataka lang kasi, palaging sinasabi ng customer agents na the technical people will remotely check my connection. As far as I am concerned, I am a paying customer. I need to get my money’s worth. These SmartBro people are too eager to install my connection when I applied, had me locked–in for a year to a sucking service, making me pay P999.00 pesos a month, only to be told I had to wait 24 hours for a good connection that I was supposed to get anyway? And these happened quite, “normally”–––normal bad connection. How would you feel about reloading pages quite often? How would you feel not being able to forward an important document simply because Smart Bro people do not care? Made me wait forever? I used to work home–based. I stopped because some reports that I was supposed to send within a TAT (turnaround time) never got to its recipient. Why? Because I cannot even attached said documents to my e–mail or use the YM service. Imagine, word documents? Not large documents that require complicated technical knowledge. I never complained before, never posted it in my blog. Because I always believe that Smart Bro’s marketing arm is intelligent enough to keep its paying customers happy, right? I am wrong. They don’t care. What they care about is if I am paying my monthly service fee or not. Look, my billing statement comes on time. But my service, well, haven’t you heard me? I need to wait another 24 hours. They will be checking it remotely. Blah blah blah.  I am not going to waste my time with Smart Bro. My energy is useless. I have better things to do but I am warning others to think twice about getting Smart Bro broadband service. Do not let yourself get deceived by false advertisement. Read other blogs. Read forums. You will be able to compare. Do not take my word. I am speaking out because I felt victimized by Smart Bro’s false advertisement and should learn from this experience. Go to a broadband service with reliable technical support and nice, knowledgeable customer service staff which is definitely not Smart Bro.  I am looking forward to ending this service come October and move to a better broadband service provider. (crossing my fingers)

Tribute to Mayor Tato

by: Robert Julius Reyes

"Kami ay nabigla, nalulungkot sa balita.

Mahal naming si Ka Tato, kinuha na ni Bathala.

Marahil magdadagdag ng mga taong dakila

Sa ating kalangitan, sya'y gagawing tala."

"Mga Kababayan mo ngayo'y nagluluksa,

puno ng pighati sa puso at diwa,

Ganunpaman sa pagpanaw mo dito sa lupa,

sa aming alaala'y buhay ka sa tuwina."

"Maka-DIYOS syang tao, subok na matulungin,

Sa kanyang kapwa, pantay-pantay ang pagtingin.

Mahirap o mayaman;mangmang man o magaling,

Bata man o matanda, parehas lang ang turing!"

"Lider na pangsimbahan, gayundin pang-sibiko

Tunay na marangal, may matatag na prinsipyo.

Nakalulungkot man kanyang buhay-politiko,

Mananatili syang mahal ng mga tao."

"Yamang paglilingkod natapos na sa daigdig

Mahal naming Panginoon, dinggin aming dalangin,

Sa Banal Mong Kaharian, si Ka Tato'y tanggapin

Nawa'y marapating, bigyan diyan ng bagong opis."

*(with permission from author). This poem originally circulated via Lumban Hipong group.

In my Deathbed

Not that I am wishing to kick the bucket this early, I am somehow, always interested in the ramification of death after tragically losing my mom to a natural disaster. That was four years ago. (My mom died in Quezon province, south of Manila, from a landslide that killed hundreds of people.) I never had the chance to mourn her. The weeks after her death, I decided to continue working, thinking it was the best that I could do. I will never be sad, I promised. I will be tough. Yes, I was able to move on but only on the surface. The pain of losing a loved one, no matter how bad your relationship is with that loved one is a pain that leaves a gap, a space, or a void that never heals. Four years and nothing changed. I could have done things differently then. I wish I did.

I am the eldest and taking the Filipino’s concept of “panganay”, I would say I am a part of the decision making in the family. Unlike, the other kids, the eldest is third in line when it comes to responsibility, after the padre de pamilya and the madre de pamilya. I consider my position both an onus and a privilege. I am aware of almost every movement in our family. My siblings, though as aware, are just in the sidelines. They have a choice. They can participate or not. I don’t have that choice. I am always a participant.

I did respect my nanay but things never worked out between us. We are north and south, left and right. I don’t know why. No matter how hard we try to adjust to each other, we always end up fighting, not talking, competing, etc. On good times (which was rare), we talked and we created an illusion of perfect mom/daughter team, but after a few days, we’re back to our bad old self. I no longer try to analyze things much deeper now. It is maybe our nature. We simply don’t click. Or maybe we should have tried harder.

We should. If only. These are the words that we use when we have regrets. I do have regrets. The ifs and whys are now becoming a part of my growing list. But never as difficult to comprehend as the ifs and whys that death brings.

To paraphrase Anna Quindlen, my favorite author, one should never confuse life with work as the second is only part of the first. Not that I blame my work, but the months before my mom’s passing, I was trying so hard to prove her that I can work and make something out of myself and never focused on what really could have made a difference between her passing away without us talking and her passing away feeling loved.

It’s my pride again. Not to give up on a principle. Not to show her I cry. Not to tell her I also need a mother. Not me. Not me. I am as tough as her. She produced me. She pushed me to what I have become. But still, I am her daughter. I should have been more patient, should have been more understanding.

I left home March of 2004. She died by November. That was seven months, long enough to make amends with each other, but we never did. She busied herself away in Quezon (she left Laguna three months after I left), living with her relatives, engaging in “money–making” activities that I opposed. She was there in Quezon looking for her pot of gold when the disaster hit the province. It was between late November and early December. It took weeks before we got her body and buried her there in Quezon.

Now, what? She’s dead. My fight lost its meaning. What is there to fight for anymore? It becomes useless. It is futile. I am no longer interested in proving myself. She was a great opponent because she can make you a determined person. Now I know why despite the hating–loving relationship we had, I never wanted her out of my life, her presence is essential to my self–worth. She was my gauge.

Work. Yes, I forgot. Why connect my work with her death? Simple. Months before my mom’s death I never stopped working. I never called home. I never asked sorry. I convinced myself that I was too busy with work that I don’t have time to go home and see what she’s up to. I was too busy. Period. I intentionally closed all possible chances.

Her death changed my beliefs 360 degrees. I realized that no matter how hard we work, the accomplishments that we get from our work can never duplicate the good relationship we have with our family. I am only another employee in my company, a stranger to my boss, a temporary friend to my office mate, another face in the workplace, and another statistics in the Department of Labor. In my family, my value is a lot higher. I am daughter and a sister. If I die tomorrow, the company that I work for can replace me right away without leaving an emotional void. It will be different with my family. I will be in their memories. I will leave a gap, a space, a void that never heals. As my mother did.

How about my deathbed? I don’t think I would like to see my former bosses’ face. Hmm. Or my office mates’ face. Another hmm. All I need is my family. With them around me in my deathbed, my accomplishment will be sealed.

May I add, that in my deathbed, please, oh please, removed any signs of false accomplishments I had. I don’t need them in Heaven (wherever it maybe).

Year of the Rat

Hi there folks! It's been a while. Yeah, I got busy during the holidays. I always celebrate it with my family in the province and admittedly avoided anything that has something to do with "virtual life". Christmas was over but definitely I had fun despite me having to spend on gifts. Well, well it only happens once a year, or so they say, but of course I made sure that I did not overspend (?). Last year was a great year. Earlier that year, last May, I resigned from a previous job. I still am out of job but is doing well. I am currently looking for one now and really excited about it. I bought my new computer and feels better that I developed better relationships with the people around me by learning to appreciate life on a daily basis. I still have my bad days but I am more secure of myself right now. Since it is the beginning of the year, out of fun, I googled information about the year of the rat (==YEAR OF THE RIGHT) and was lucky to discover that this year will also be a good year for me. Not that I believe horoscope or anything like that but it does not hurt to read these things and boost my confidence in the coming year. I still believe in working to achieve what I want and not relying on stuff like that but as I've said, there is no harm in there, right?

Anyway, whatever it is that is store for me this year, I will embrace it and with a little help from a God, and a healthier attitude I will surely be better this year!!! God bless everyone. May this year be the YEAR OF THE RIGHT!!!