DIY Mould & Paint Fridge Magnets

I believe my niece’s heart is into arts and so our bonding activities are mostly in this area (but her other favorite is math, she whispered).  She loves to draw and paint.  Crayons and watercolor are always a hit!  On her last birthday, she got 2 boxes of 4M Mould & Paint Plaster Fridge Magnets Badges and today is the perfect day for this bonding activity, just the perfect rainy afternoon for us.

Kit includes the plaster, mould, pins, paint, paint brush, and magnet strips.  A detailed instruction is included in the box.  Adult assistance is also recommended because the product contains small parts which may cause choking.  Be warned that this is not for children under 3 years old.  Niece is now 5 but still needs a little help from Auntie.

To start with, I mixed the plaster for her.  I cannot trust yet our little artist’s hands in doing this.  In a mixing bowl, I poured the plaster and added approximately 50-70 ml of water slowly. Remember not to pour too much water at once as it will make the plaster too runny.  Once a smooth paste is achieved, I poured the mixture into the mould and waited for the plaster to set.

When the plasters are hard enough to be released, niece started her paint job and Auntie waited to do post prod, adding final touches.

The colorful fridge magnets added fun to an otherwise boring beige-finished fridge door.

DO-IT-YOURSELF HAWAIIAN GRASS SKIRT

When you need it, you got to do it!

This one is for our toddler’s first Hawaiian dance performed for school recognition. Doting aunt bought a ready-made orange Hawaiian grass skirt for her. It was okay but I felt it was not what I wanted for her. Our toddler is bigger than most of her age and so during our fitting session, I knew the skirt was not hers. The straws were widely spaced and her undergarment could be seen underneath. I asked the more experienced moms in school if we can possibly do it ourselves and most agreed. So, I did watch videos from the net, although there’s only a handful really worth watching and reading, it gave me an idea on how to go about it.

MATERIALS:
Twine or plastic straw (choose the color you want)
Elastic band or garter

 

Yellow Duraflex twine

Measure your kid’s waistline and cut the elastic band to this measurement, keeping in mind to add a few extra inches. Then measure the length of your kid’s skirt. Other moms preferred knee-length skirts but I think ankle length looks better.  After cutting several straws, tie the pieces onto the elastic band using cow hitch knot. That easy!

Here's my labor of love:

Our Hawaiian dancer!

 

I'm a Jolly Toy Scout!

I have forgotten to write about this last year and felt that I should still share this now. We got a toddler in the house and so with a kid comes the toys and other stuff. At first, the toys occupied only a small space in the storage room until one weekend in December last year when I started cleaning and realized we accumulated two extra large Toy Kingdom plastic bags of stuffed toys. There was even a very large teddy that my youngest sister got from my mom as a kid and had outgrown. I asked our toddler to pick the ones that she still loves and decided to donate the rest to Jollibee in Santa Cruz, Laguna.

The Philippines' fast-food restaurant chain accepts donations of toys and books during the Christmas season through its Maaga ang Pasko program and this is my first time to donate. It felt good, especially because I know that the toys will go to children who needed them the most. As for my part, I’ve donated only the ones that are still in good condition – the mutilated and decapitated ones are still at home and getting a loving hug from our kiddo. I’ll definitely do this again next year.

Homemade crayons and organizing jewelry the Pinterest way

I just recently got bitten by the Pinterest bug and DIY crafts. Before this, I am adopting a greener lifestyle and thus kept items like toilet paper rolls, paper bags, old household items, plastics, etc., but never finding the time to repurpose them into worthwhile projects. A few months ago, I pinned several great ideas into my Pinterest boards and scheduled my weekends doing them. My first project were the homemade crayons I did with my 3-year-old niece. I've collected the bits of old crayons she had and put them into silicon molds I bought in a Japan surplus store. The mold comes in several shapes (heart, diamond, oval, etc.) I then put the molds in the oven toaster for less than 10 minutes and waited for them to cool. The result was, of course, a big hit! My niece loved it and I think the smile and sweet kisses I got made it all the more fun.

On to my next project: organizing my earrings and rings. One thing I truly like in Pinterest are the awesome ideas from people, which made you sigh and say, how come I never knew that? In fact, even the simplest item at home can end up as an interesting piece. I think most of us want to keep our homes as organized as possible, but this is always a daunting task because, let's be honest, we really have no idea how to go about it. So, I'm starting mine with a simple one: a jewelry box made out of an old beats by Dr. Dre box. I do not want to throw away this box and so kept it for a while until today. I decided to use the inner black-colored styro/plastic (?) and "pinned" my earrings into it. In the central circular space, I've put my rings.

These projects were really simple but I felt pride doing them because finally I'm not buying something straight from the mall and making use of what I have to organize and create simple treasures.

Philippines, second slowest in web page loading

The Philippines was listed as the world's second slowest in web page loading.  This is according to a Bloomberg report on Google's study of web page speeds for desktop computers and mobile devices in 50 countries with the fastest internet connections. This study is interesting because if you look at the list, you will find that the fastest average Web page loading time is that of Slovak Republic at 3.3 seconds. If it is the USA then it would not have caught my attention because one is expecting to see that.  They are technologically capable. From comments on the Bloomberg report, I searched Orange Slovenko's website and found that Fibernet household internet costs €14.99 per month (roughly 900 pesos) and it promises a 100Mbit/s download and upload speed while that of regular internet connection gives a 42Mbit/sec download and 1.8Mbit.sec upload. Mbit. mbps, kbps are foreign language to me. All I know is that with what I am paying, I should be getting more from my internet provider, PLDT. Look at my speed test. Another thing notable on the list is that of India. It is on the same bottom list as we are for desktop speeds (15.1 seconds) and I began to wonder as both the Philippines and India are into business process outsourcing, will this study impact the industry, if anything? I am glad that South Korea is second after Slovak Republic and first on mobile speeds.

Should I feel better that the Philippines is among the "50 countries with the fastest internet connection"?

See complete list here

A visit to Sto Nino de Providencia

Years ago, I have seen this footage of ABS-CBN reporter/anchor TJ Manotoc sharing his story about the Sto Niño de Providencia.  If I remember it correctly, he went to the Sto Niño to cover a story.  He might have prayed for something and got it miraculously.  I really forgot what it was that he asked for.  TJ also found out later that the place was located in a street named after his mother, Aurora Pijuan.  It was an interesting story, although I knew that in this country, miraculous claims are common.  I kept note of the address and promised to visit when I can.  But that of course happened only March of this year.  I was doing my “spring cleaning” when I found my old organizer and decided that I should see the place now.  I told my best friend about this and she and her hubby agreed to come with me.  Our first visit was March 10 of this year but as some errands were still needed to be done earlier that day, we reached the place very late and it was already close.  The three of us, however felt good that we found the place, though we still need to come back again to see the Sto Niño inside.  We had a bit of difficulty locating it because we were looking for a big church.  We found out that the image is housed in the Gonzales residence, in a small prayer room.  So we scheduled another trip to Paranaque, March 12.  This time, we got there early morning.  Except for us, the caretaker and another visitor, the prayer room is all ours.  I believe during Catholic holidays like Holy Week, the place is full.  The booklet we received shared a brief history of the Sto Niño’s miracles.  The Sto Niño is with the Gonzales family since 1988 and when one of the siblings, Lutgardo Rodrigo Gonzales, a medical intern, got into an accident it was placed in their sala.  The first miracle happened on January 27, 1992 when Lorna Gonzales, found the Sto Nino “shedding liquid profusely from His tantalizing eyes” which she then scooped and rubbed into his brother’s body.  His brother started to recover gradually since then.  Blessings and miracles has also been reported by devotees.  This I believe is all about faith.  For me, I just want to see the place and the Sto Niño.  I prayed my usual prayers as a Catholic.  As for miracles, I felt peaceful that day.  It was enough.

Sto Niño de Providencia is open Monday to Sunday 8:00 to 12:00 noon and 1:00 to 5:00 PM at 65 Aurora P. Juan St.  BF Resort Village, Las Piñas City

Philippine Monitoring Company/Greentop Marketing Scam

This afternoon, a call from Philippine Monitoring Company, a lady, woke me up. She said I need to claim my reward for subscribing to PLDT landline/DSL. Still very much sleepy, I listened anyway. She gave me an alphanumeric code(CH8048DLPA)with instructions that I need to pick up my reward right away at Greentop Marketing in Olivarez Plaza, Los Baños, Laguna. At the back of my mind, I am starting to get suspicious although I never got the chance to ask her what PLDT promo it is all about. I do not remember joining any PLDT promo. Anyway, I let her continue her spiel because I do not want to sound rude. She even provided me these numbers to call, 501-1379 and 552-9129 and look for Aileen Concepcion or Michelle Mendoza. I took notes while we were talking, just in case. I am by nature not very trustful! I began to doubt when she kept bugging me to get my reward. She sounds desperate. I kept my politeness (truth is I am rarely polite to cold callers) and to end our conversation, just said I will try. I went back to sleep afterwards.

Tonight, I googled the said company and found web pages of their scam. I felt relieved (!) that I was saved from trouble. I am sharing this to help and to warn. I am yet to call PLDT and DTI to report this incident which I am sure PLDT has nothing to do. For those victimized and soon-to-be victims, please click the links below. It pays to read and be informed.

PESO-Cainta
Greentop Scam
Greentop Ever-Gotesco
Greentop Ali Mall Cubao

Bagyong Ondoy (Ketsana) Sept 26 2009

September 26, 2009---I went home just to sleep for a few hours after my graveyard shift thinking that the rains would be "conducive" for sleep. Waking up became another story.... our village, Eusebio Bliss Village in Maybunga Pasig City was among the many places hit by Typhoon Ondoy....Strike two, I should say, for me. Our first tragic encounter with a typhoon was in Quezon province, when it was hit by Typhoon Winnie and Yoyong in 2004. My mom died there among the 800+ victims of landslide and flooding. Now, I am far more than luckier. Yes, our place is still flooded (as of this writing, Oct 7), yes we are still temporarily staying in a friend's house, and yes we are anticipating our next move on whether to stay in our Pasig unit or find a new place. We have been residents of Pasig for almost six years...Our routine, our neighbors, our lives. It is easier said than done to simply leave things all behind. Our place is like our second home away from our province and we have to face so many issues if ever we finally decided to leave our unit for good. Transfer of billing statements, of our things (in six years, of course, we have acquired a few material possession!), transfers which means lots of unexpected expenses at a time when Christmas season is at our doors. Anyway, I am not really worried about our things.. I am lucky. Period. I have taken a few pictures just for the sake of photographing "nature's wrath".. Hirap kalaban si Ondoy. He came when most of us are not prepared... and it's effect is lasting....Sometimes it is not the typhoon, sometimes it is ourselves...Watching TV is different from actual pain.. Asking people what happened to them and lifting their spirits is different from actually experiencing the actual pain...I knew how my mom felt... fear for dear life.. I just could not asked her...

Pictures taken below were from Sept 28 and Oct 2 2009.

Freecycle Part II

Good day friends! I have another set of items I am planning to dispose of. I have posted 29 pictures. Most of these items are school supplies. Here’s a numbered list of what the items are.

Pic_1 These are “slide/rs” (not sure what to call them) used for folders, used
Pic_2 Computer dust cover, in green color, for CRT monitor and CPU, unused
Pic_3 Philippine flags, miniature size, not sure of the exact measurement, unused
Pic_4 Seven Periodic Table of Element plus Period Table Supplement (Chemistry)
Pic_5 Maps including map of Quezon province, Philippine map, Philippine
Power System Development Map from National Power Corporation, used
Pic_6 Sinamay, used to wrap flowers, used, in very good condition
Pic_7 Stationeries, a few pages of paper and envelopes, in good condition
Pic_8 Wall hanging accent, used
Pic_9 Plastic pencil case, unused
Pic_10 Lipstick holder with mirror, used
Pic_11 Small paper box (used as containers for earrings)
Pic_12 Small “Boracay” lantern, used, a little dirty but washable
Pic_13 Slippers from Bicol, size 5, in fuchsia color, unused
Pic_14 Rotring compass, used
Pic_15 Lipstick holder with mirror of cloth material
Pic_16 11 pieces of plastic diskette covers
Pic_17 Brown-colored wallet, unused; the black-colored one has already been used
Pic_18 Two TV antennae, unused
Pic_19 Plastic hooks, unused but quite old
Pic_20 Headrest, used
Pic_21 Dynamic Blade balancing kit (for ceiling fans), unused
Pic_22 ID necklaces and ID cover, unused
Pic_23 Cellphone housing, used
Pic_24 KFC cellphone strap
Pic_25 Birthday candles, blue, 4 pieces
Pic_26 Reloadable camera (quite an old model), unused, but some will still find
use for this (?)
Pic_27 Shower cap, unused
Pic_28 Three headphones, used and defective, not sure which one still works
Pic_29 Multi-use scissors

Just post your queries here or post a message at the Freecycle Yahoo Group (if you are a member) and I will contact you. Thanks and happy recycling...

ALL ITEMS POSTED WERE TAKEN!

For Sale: Baby Carrier/Rocking Chair

Hi Everyone, I want you to take a look at : April (avrilya17) Philippines
I am selling a baby carrier/rocking chair. Please check the advertisement I posted in my sulit.com account. Have a great day!!
ITEM SOLD!

TAKEN: Old School Uniforms and Shoes

THANKS TO THOSE WHO EMAILED ME. I have decided to give the uniforms/shoes to a wonderful lady who emailed me first. I am very glad that these items will be used by someone who really needs them...Happy Freecycling!!!!

My Freecycle group message dated 05/26/09:

"OFFER: SCHOOL UNIFORMS AND LEATHER SHOES

a. The school uniforms were used by my sister in college. Some are in still in good condition, a few needs repair. These included 8 blouses, 2 navy blue skirts and 4 black slacks. Blouses are of small size. Waist line of skirt is 27 to 28.
b. The shoes need repair of its heels but otherwise in very good condition as they have not been used. Shoe size is 7. Leather. Brown colored.

To those interested, email me privately ****. I will ONLY be responding to the first ones who expressed interest in the above items. To those who will not receive a reply from me either through email or phone, it means the items are already taken.

I am available for meet-ups ONLY during Sundays/Mondays. Pick ups: Either Megamall, Shangri-La, or Robinsons Galleria."

Lilian De Vera's Letter

An email claimed to be written by Mrs. Lilian de Vera is circulating. I received one. Below is the letter. I am posting it here to, at least, help in Mrs. De Vera’s quest for justice for her loved ones, a daughter and a husband.

“Two months ago I considered myself as one of those blessed and happiest people on earth. Why not? I married a guy who was an epitome of kindness. A guy who worshiped even the footsteps I made. More importantly, our union blessed us with a daughter who not only became the main source of our happiness….more so; she was the center of our lives.

“We’re simple folks who led a simple life. We felt the happiest even about mundane things and inconsequential ones that most people would only take for granted. Our joy mostly revolved on simple pleasure like a sudden trip to Jollibee or a late night marauding the fridge for any leftovers. A family, which shared plain happiness, humble dreams, and modest aspirations. Everything was fine…Until that fateful night on December 5, 2008.

“In keeping with my ritual or “panata” on every first Friday of every month, I went to Quiapo Church, to pay homage and respect to the Almighty One. My husband and daughter were supposed to pick me up in Pasay City after which we planned on giving our daughter a treat to Jollibee. I tried calling my husband’s cell phone, just to let him know I was on my way to our meeting place. He wasn’t picking up. Despite my trepidation and wonder, I took the next jeep going home and prayed that everything was alright.

“I felt relieved when near our place my phone rang. It was my helper. And the words I heard will forever change my life. My husband and daughter were shot to death by ‘men in uniform’.

“The ‘men in uniform’ were allegedly on a mission to take some gang of robbers victimizing people at large. The police shot the Crosswind van my husband and daughter were riding. Based on some witnesses’ narration, the police sprayed bullets into the van despite the lack of provocation or shots coming from the Crosswind van. In his last effort to save their lives, my husband grabbed my bloodied daughter and shielded her with his body while trying to run away from the police and tried to get cover from a parked jeepney My husband and daughter were so defenseless. How can you mistake a child for a robber? How can you shoot at someone who was already kneeling with head bowed, an indication of helplessness.

“These men, who were sworn to protect innocent people from criminals, had brutally slain my most precious ones, Jun and Lia. These men, whose avowed duty was to preserve the lives of the public against all harm and danger? They murdered my loved ones in the most cruel, savage and pitiless way.

“My husband’s face was unrecognizable because he was shot in the head at close range, while he was kneeling with his head bowed down. My daughter’s young body was riddled with bullets, one hit her head. Those ‘men in uniform’ killed my baby. They aimed and fired powerful weapons at two innocent and defenseless individuals. My husband and daughter are gone…….forever.

“I miss both of them so much. My heart bleeds in pain. My sorrow is deep. Their loss is too much to bear. I am alone.

“The only thing motivating me to go on with life is the mission to seek justice for the senseless killing of Jun and Lia. All I want in life right now is to see the people who were responsible for their death be convicted and punished, that Jun and Lia be given justice, and that their death will not be meaningless. My pains will be alleviated. The misery I feel will be lessened. My husband and daughter will be vindicated. I will learn to live the remaining years of my life…without Jun and Lia.
“I’m asking and begging everyone who will come across this letter/e-mail to please forward to all your relatives, friends, and acquaintances. Help me bring my cause to the eyes of the people capable of steering the wheel of justice to the right direction. Help me make the loudest cry worthy of attention by those people in charge in rendering justice…for Jun and Lia.

“Strength comes in numbers; it is where the impossible becomes possible. It is also where the unattainable becomes achievable.

“May God always protect and bless each and every one of you.”
— Lilian De Vera

Angel Baba

She is my niece, Baba. I believe she is an angel. One sent down to us from Heaven. I am thankful for the magic she brought into our lives now.It seems that every life issue becomes so easy to deal with when you are with an angel as innocent as her? I may not be her mother but I am a certified doting Tita!

Righteous Kill

I am not a “big screen” fan nowadays because of the cost. Period. The times called for it but once in a while, a movie is a great way to stop my blues and lessen the stress. Sunday being me and my sister’s work–free day we get to bond and catch up on our chikkatime. It’s our stress “out” day. Working can sometimes take so much of our time we no longer find time for ourselves. Last Sunday, we went to see a movie. I would have love watching KC Concepcion in her first movie but I am not sure I am all for the “kilig” factor. It is a light movie and could make me relax but I also need something different. And Al Pacino and Robert de Niro are two great actors you just cannot ignore. I saw some of their movies before, including of course Godfather. My sister shared the same liking for the actors. I would say I rubbed it on her. She agreed to watch Righteous Kill. I have not heard of the movie being promoted but the names of the actors lends credence to the film and so we watched. She even paid for the tickets! The film is about two cops who are investigating a series of vigilante crimes committed by a killer who leaves behind poems. Try it again, a serial killer who loves poetry. Nice try. My sister loves the movie. She loves the twist. But I am not very satisfied. I do expect more. I do not know what it is but there is definitely something missing. Not the actor’s of course. They delivered their lines excellente! It is the plot and the expected twist (on my part). Maybe I have seen so much of the same twist. One character being the obvious suspect (this is basically stereotyping) only to end up with the least expected character being the scum. I feel “bitin” with the movie. It is still a good movie I would say. Except the movie’s storyline is so ordinary and not Pacinoesque or De Niroesque. I have utmost respect to both actors and I maybe expecting a lot more. Or maybe they need this movie to relax, too.

Smart Bro

I no longer remember how many times I have dialed 672–7277 and have spoken with SmartBRO customer service agents, getting the same robotic reply ( I’ve memorized their spiel) regarding my connection problems (Bakit ko naman sila tatawagan kung maayos serbisyo nila!). I am not very techie but I am also not stupid. Only weeks after my broadband (October 2007) was installed, my connection already showed signs of slowing, parang dial–up. Okay lang sana kung hindi nila tinawag na broadband yun, di ba? At least, wala akong expectation. Imagine, not even the most common websites like Yahoo, Friendster, Youtube, hindi mo ma–access? I applied for the service basically just to regularly check my e–mail but woe of woes, attachment pa lang ng word document (think about a simple resume), pwede ka ng matulog muna sa soooooooooobrang bagal.  Siyempre, nung una, nabobola pa nila ako. Step 1: Tatanungin ka nila sa IP address mo or yung physical address ng computer mo. Syempre, very willing ka naman sumagot. Tapos, they will instruct you to open your command prompt, ask you to ping 10.0.0 x x, and wait for results…Well, of course, I will get the usual Request Timed Out. Marami yan. Meaning…in layman’s terms, mabagal ang connection ko. Whatever term they use to make it sound better, I am still getting bad connection. I would say I am lucky kapag 25% loss lang yung result ng pinging, usually, 75% loss, worst obviously is 100% loss. They will even ask you to do speed test (last time I called, sa pldtplay.com ako nag–“bandwitch” test. Naturalmiente, the result will be the obvious. Speed test, huh? Lastly, you will be given a 24–hour prescription time. After 24 hours, wala naman talaga akong nakikitang improvement sa connection speed. Smart BRO’s advertised speed is 384 kbps, pero the numbers I got were way beyond that e.g. 69.10 kbps, 78.60 kbps, 161.00 kbps (using 2wire). I have the screenshots with me. But nonetheless, these numbers could speak for themselves. Once, I felt better kasi pinalitan nila yung antennae ko. Sabi ko, siguro this time, mas okay na connection ko. Importante lang naman, I can access the net, check my email, watch videos, etc. Ang nakakataka lang kasi, palaging sinasabi ng customer agents na the technical people will remotely check my connection. As far as I am concerned, I am a paying customer. I need to get my money’s worth. These SmartBro people are too eager to install my connection when I applied, had me locked–in for a year to a sucking service, making me pay P999.00 pesos a month, only to be told I had to wait 24 hours for a good connection that I was supposed to get anyway? And these happened quite, “normally”–––normal bad connection. How would you feel about reloading pages quite often? How would you feel not being able to forward an important document simply because Smart Bro people do not care? Made me wait forever? I used to work home–based. I stopped because some reports that I was supposed to send within a TAT (turnaround time) never got to its recipient. Why? Because I cannot even attached said documents to my e–mail or use the YM service. Imagine, word documents? Not large documents that require complicated technical knowledge. I never complained before, never posted it in my blog. Because I always believe that Smart Bro’s marketing arm is intelligent enough to keep its paying customers happy, right? I am wrong. They don’t care. What they care about is if I am paying my monthly service fee or not. Look, my billing statement comes on time. But my service, well, haven’t you heard me? I need to wait another 24 hours. They will be checking it remotely. Blah blah blah.  I am not going to waste my time with Smart Bro. My energy is useless. I have better things to do but I am warning others to think twice about getting Smart Bro broadband service. Do not let yourself get deceived by false advertisement. Read other blogs. Read forums. You will be able to compare. Do not take my word. I am speaking out because I felt victimized by Smart Bro’s false advertisement and should learn from this experience. Go to a broadband service with reliable technical support and nice, knowledgeable customer service staff which is definitely not Smart Bro.  I am looking forward to ending this service come October and move to a better broadband service provider. (crossing my fingers)

Tribute to Mayor Tato

by: Robert Julius Reyes

"Kami ay nabigla, nalulungkot sa balita.

Mahal naming si Ka Tato, kinuha na ni Bathala.

Marahil magdadagdag ng mga taong dakila

Sa ating kalangitan, sya'y gagawing tala."

"Mga Kababayan mo ngayo'y nagluluksa,

puno ng pighati sa puso at diwa,

Ganunpaman sa pagpanaw mo dito sa lupa,

sa aming alaala'y buhay ka sa tuwina."

"Maka-DIYOS syang tao, subok na matulungin,

Sa kanyang kapwa, pantay-pantay ang pagtingin.

Mahirap o mayaman;mangmang man o magaling,

Bata man o matanda, parehas lang ang turing!"

"Lider na pangsimbahan, gayundin pang-sibiko

Tunay na marangal, may matatag na prinsipyo.

Nakalulungkot man kanyang buhay-politiko,

Mananatili syang mahal ng mga tao."

"Yamang paglilingkod natapos na sa daigdig

Mahal naming Panginoon, dinggin aming dalangin,

Sa Banal Mong Kaharian, si Ka Tato'y tanggapin

Nawa'y marapating, bigyan diyan ng bagong opis."

*(with permission from author). This poem originally circulated via Lumban Hipong group.

In my Deathbed

Not that I am wishing to kick the bucket this early, I am somehow, always interested in the ramification of death after tragically losing my mom to a natural disaster. That was four years ago. (My mom died in Quezon province, south of Manila, from a landslide that killed hundreds of people.) I never had the chance to mourn her. The weeks after her death, I decided to continue working, thinking it was the best that I could do. I will never be sad, I promised. I will be tough. Yes, I was able to move on but only on the surface. The pain of losing a loved one, no matter how bad your relationship is with that loved one is a pain that leaves a gap, a space, or a void that never heals. Four years and nothing changed. I could have done things differently then. I wish I did.

I am the eldest and taking the Filipino’s concept of “panganay”, I would say I am a part of the decision making in the family. Unlike, the other kids, the eldest is third in line when it comes to responsibility, after the padre de pamilya and the madre de pamilya. I consider my position both an onus and a privilege. I am aware of almost every movement in our family. My siblings, though as aware, are just in the sidelines. They have a choice. They can participate or not. I don’t have that choice. I am always a participant.

I did respect my nanay but things never worked out between us. We are north and south, left and right. I don’t know why. No matter how hard we try to adjust to each other, we always end up fighting, not talking, competing, etc. On good times (which was rare), we talked and we created an illusion of perfect mom/daughter team, but after a few days, we’re back to our bad old self. I no longer try to analyze things much deeper now. It is maybe our nature. We simply don’t click. Or maybe we should have tried harder.

We should. If only. These are the words that we use when we have regrets. I do have regrets. The ifs and whys are now becoming a part of my growing list. But never as difficult to comprehend as the ifs and whys that death brings.

To paraphrase Anna Quindlen, my favorite author, one should never confuse life with work as the second is only part of the first. Not that I blame my work, but the months before my mom’s passing, I was trying so hard to prove her that I can work and make something out of myself and never focused on what really could have made a difference between her passing away without us talking and her passing away feeling loved.

It’s my pride again. Not to give up on a principle. Not to show her I cry. Not to tell her I also need a mother. Not me. Not me. I am as tough as her. She produced me. She pushed me to what I have become. But still, I am her daughter. I should have been more patient, should have been more understanding.

I left home March of 2004. She died by November. That was seven months, long enough to make amends with each other, but we never did. She busied herself away in Quezon (she left Laguna three months after I left), living with her relatives, engaging in “money–making” activities that I opposed. She was there in Quezon looking for her pot of gold when the disaster hit the province. It was between late November and early December. It took weeks before we got her body and buried her there in Quezon.

Now, what? She’s dead. My fight lost its meaning. What is there to fight for anymore? It becomes useless. It is futile. I am no longer interested in proving myself. She was a great opponent because she can make you a determined person. Now I know why despite the hating–loving relationship we had, I never wanted her out of my life, her presence is essential to my self–worth. She was my gauge.

Work. Yes, I forgot. Why connect my work with her death? Simple. Months before my mom’s death I never stopped working. I never called home. I never asked sorry. I convinced myself that I was too busy with work that I don’t have time to go home and see what she’s up to. I was too busy. Period. I intentionally closed all possible chances.

Her death changed my beliefs 360 degrees. I realized that no matter how hard we work, the accomplishments that we get from our work can never duplicate the good relationship we have with our family. I am only another employee in my company, a stranger to my boss, a temporary friend to my office mate, another face in the workplace, and another statistics in the Department of Labor. In my family, my value is a lot higher. I am daughter and a sister. If I die tomorrow, the company that I work for can replace me right away without leaving an emotional void. It will be different with my family. I will be in their memories. I will leave a gap, a space, a void that never heals. As my mother did.

How about my deathbed? I don’t think I would like to see my former bosses’ face. Hmm. Or my office mates’ face. Another hmm. All I need is my family. With them around me in my deathbed, my accomplishment will be sealed.

May I add, that in my deathbed, please, oh please, removed any signs of false accomplishments I had. I don’t need them in Heaven (wherever it maybe).

Year of the Rat

Hi there folks! It's been a while. Yeah, I got busy during the holidays. I always celebrate it with my family in the province and admittedly avoided anything that has something to do with "virtual life". Christmas was over but definitely I had fun despite me having to spend on gifts. Well, well it only happens once a year, or so they say, but of course I made sure that I did not overspend (?). Last year was a great year. Earlier that year, last May, I resigned from a previous job. I still am out of job but is doing well. I am currently looking for one now and really excited about it. I bought my new computer and feels better that I developed better relationships with the people around me by learning to appreciate life on a daily basis. I still have my bad days but I am more secure of myself right now. Since it is the beginning of the year, out of fun, I googled information about the year of the rat (==YEAR OF THE RIGHT) and was lucky to discover that this year will also be a good year for me. Not that I believe horoscope or anything like that but it does not hurt to read these things and boost my confidence in the coming year. I still believe in working to achieve what I want and not relying on stuff like that but as I've said, there is no harm in there, right?

Anyway, whatever it is that is store for me this year, I will embrace it and with a little help from a God, and a healthier attitude I will surely be better this year!!! God bless everyone. May this year be the YEAR OF THE RIGHT!!!

BLEEDING NOSE(S)

I received a forwarded message from my e–group today. I don’t usually read forwarded messages, but this one really caught my attention. The e-mail had screen shots of a blog. I chose not to divulge the name of the blogger as a respect, but I would say she really did exist(!). I have checked her profile and blog site (it was public). I even looked at her pictures. To make my story short, I have copied verbatim what she wrote on that blog. See if you can comprehend what her blog is all about. I have nothing against her but the language she chose to express herself has put her in a “funny light.” I wonder if she is aware at all that she is becoming as popular as Inday or maybe she did it on purpose, you know, to create a buzz. Anyway, below are the excerpts from her blog.

To my readers, I am not a critic of those who uses the English language to express themselves but somehow it is also a blogger’s responsibility to post articles which are understandable and easy to read. At this point, Rufa Mae Quinto comes to mind, in one of her movies, having nosebleeds whenever she is around people who speak English. If we can express ourselves better in our native language, so be it, but then some people like Jo wanted to stick it out with English no matter what. So, here goes:

“…somewhere in my past i been down and hurts of the Guy i love, i thought he is the one my only and last man but they not work it any more. Afterwards my tears fall and I hate him and I said to my self jo never fall inlove. Man is never be fair they’re idiot and no stick to one, well after a while my heart beats again and I am blush when I see this guy, he is good and funny, understanding… maybe she’ll be the one…..I missed the time when he holding hands with me and the time he treats me…I love the man who cares for me, understand me.,,,,,” (Blog title: Man your special”)

“…I count my blessing its so many blessing…first I finished my college I have a award in college a ward that never loose it its my diploma…no one can take it a highest education that may parents did it. 2nd I learned to love all over again(if sometimes causes of heart faillure broken hearted) 3rd I have a lot of friend that never leave me. 4th iam a youth coordinator and some of my friends in PYA en SK. I have a award also there way back 2000 iam become first runner up in Scrabble contest with JL also. I also award of being best student in my batch (outstanding Batch 1)…” (Blog title: its all about me)

Much as I want to share everything that she wrote, I prefer not to. My nose is bleeding right now!

Sa Hangin

Sa hangin ko ibubulong
mga pangarap kong urong-sulong
Dito, doon, laging walang direksyon
Sa hangin, sabay sa panalangin
Nakapako sa maraming hinaing
Tulad ng kanin sa mesang walang pumapansin
Kung sakaling dumating ka at maging akinSa melodya ng ihip ng hangin..

Sa Hangin by Aprilyn Rodriguez is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at abrilya.blogspot.com.